How is it that some people I do not know well, can so read me like a book. However, people who have known me for years are completely oblivious to how I feel? Is it the fact that they are not in tuned to me. Or, simply cannot see what other seem to see with perfect clarity. I find in interesting how some people just know how you feel without thinking. I know of a few that I can just talk to or even look at and know exactly how they feel. I can tell something is wrong even if they don't even open their mouth. Not that i'm really that close to them, cause I'm really not close to anyone. I tend to wrap myself in a few protective layers. And, those who have gotten past those layers better thank thier lucky stars cause that is quite an accomplishment !!! Just a random 5am thought!

     Is anyone else tired of looking on their facebook page only to see a bunch of game posts? Sure, there are ways to stop seeing those that you can do, but really! I like to play a few games on facebook. Petville, Farmville and Farmtown. However things just seem to have gone ape on facebook so many games, you don't have to do anything else online. And, that bothers me. I come here and try to respond to some posts and post a few others. 

    What do you do? Do you play and play and play and see hours gone? Is it worth it to you? is it not? Do you kick yourself? 

     I DO kick myself lol. But it's cool. 

     Now, I am having an emotional day. So, what better way to try and make myself feel better than to watch a movie that makes me feel better! So, channel surfing and I come upon a legally blonde marathon on Lifetime Movie Network. I love this movie. It makes me feel better about being me. Reese is awesome as a blonde. Who, the world dismisses as an idiot. And, I have all ways love Sally Field. And, the rest of the cast well they just come though to make this an awesome mood lifter. I guess I got in the middle cause the first one is up now  

     Do you not just LOVE blogs that start that way. Of course, we have been thinking. If we hadn't we would not be here . Okay, with that being said I have a TON on my mind and I really do not think that one blog is going to do it so consider this a fair warning for several blogs. 

     First and foremost DRAMA. We all love it in tiny doses but when those doses never ever seem to end, or it seems to be the same problem over and over it becomes tedious and boring. However, i'm the first to admit that my own life mirrors this, i'm just ranting cause i'm well, I do not know. I would say hormonal but that is not right. I would say mad but that is not right either. I'm not exactly sure what I am just tired of the same old situations I find myself in. So, I decided to make a few changes. Not sure if it will affect the drama in my life but you never know it might have a positive effect. 

So this is me thinking

      When things don't go my way, I get anxious. I really get that shortness of breath and that down feeling. Like right now. I want to Log into a game and it really isn't going to let me. I have to just accept that fact. But, I do not want to. I would rather kick and scream till I get my way. I'm not doing that, but the fact remains that is what I wish to do. If i did that, then I would look like a child. If I let the fact that something is not going my way change me into a screaming, yelling, cussing idiot, then I believe that thing, what ever it might be, wins.

     Then I have turned what matters most to me into something silly and superficial. Because if I though a fit, then I am showing that I care more about that object then I really do myself. So, I sit here and take a deep breath. I let the calming go into my body and out with my breath. Calm in, stupidness out. Expelling it as it were.

     This silly post is cause, I can't do what I want ! And, I really want to get over it!!! So, I'm over it and, now i'm going to go on with my evening cause it really was an amazing evening till this point !

 Now I have been looking at pictures i've taken over the last few years, and i'm amazed at how difrrent they are. Lightening expression and even my own mood has changed how I look so much. I have sit here and thought of which one is my favorite, and it's hard to pick LOL.

I'm not really trying to be vain, i'm just realizing that I don't look like just ... one look, I have many. And, they are dractically diffrent depending on what I am doing.

Ever thought about this one?

You know some days I never know if i'm coming or going. Take today for instance. I am working nights now so I stayed up last night in an effort to sleep in a bit today cause I have to be up all night tonight (believe me that is for another post)... ANYWAY, I got up at 11 and turned on the pc looked over facebook, Xanga, jumped in WOW for a little while. then came back to face book. And,  I saw a link to a video.

Well this Video was about 3 girls texting and driving and what could happen. I have 4 girls and I was not prepared for what I saw so it hit me hard. I know the person who posted the video ment well, so I just got up and turned off the TV took a nap and just walked around the house. I looked outside but could not shake the hurt feeling. It just got me so down, what could happen. Then I started talking to myself, about my attitude and how I was behaving. Sure, things could go wrong, anything and and will happen. The point is to live your life to the fullest now. While you have the chance.

So that gave me pause and helped a bit. I decided that I was going to leave the pc off for a while and spend time with my girls. Well, we did toes and nails, went to the store made dinner and well relaxed a bit, then I came back on the pc and did my thing. LOL... I'm not addicted much now am I? So to end this with a question.

If you saw a disturbing video and you were not ready for it how would you handle it?

Because the saying is correct, once you've seen it you cannot un see it.

       I have been sitting here for weeks thinking. And, thinking and if you know me thinking. And, I have just one thing to say...

If you had told me last August 12 (my birthday btw) that I would be where I am right now, I would have called you a LIAR. I was upset with my job, my life, I felt so over whelmed, so tired so pushed that I couldn't breathe. And, my life has done a 180. I will not bore you with the details (cause I don't wanna give them anyway ) but, things have gotten dramatically better. My job, personal life, and who I am. I changed my attitude and the way I look at things. I removed all the things that were not making me happy and, took a long hard look at myself and started taking steps to make things better. I had a lot of help from my friends and a lot of support from those who love me. I have to say those that take the time to read my blog thanks for the encouragement. I know i've not written a lot but the little bit of writing I have done has led to some positive feedback and helped me open that clam shell. Maybe, someday I will continue on and explain more but, at this moment, I'm not ready.

      When I think of old fashioned, I think of my Grandma, and my Great-Grandmother. They just had a unique way of doing things. I thought I would list them for you to see if you might like to try and of them, or give you a kudos for doing them all ready.

1. Saying please and thank you, even if you cannot stand who you are talking to. And, giving them your best smile.

2. Never go out of the house without makeup and clean underware. You never know who you will meet and if you will be in an accident before you get home.

3. Take it as it comes, slow down and enjoy what you are doing, no matter what it is make it something you enjoy, find an angle that will suit you and just go with it.

4. Don't gossip. Be a black hole, listen let someone vent then forget what you know. And, never ever repeat it or use it to hurt someone else. This one shows how much of a friend you are.

I am so sure there are more but these 4 are what stick out in my head

     I have been fed lie after lie latley. And, there is NO need for it. You can tell me anything and i'm going to accept you as you are. Cause, I have faults too. Not one of us is perfect, not one of us can sit in judgement over someone else. What started this was work, and just one after another because they didn't want to tell me no. TELL ME no for God's sake be a person and an individual and STAND up. Now i'm not saying knock me down but don't be afraid to tell me the truth, cause it is what it is. You can't change what is going on at this second. Sure you could of then but you can only go from here

~jumps off my soap box and leaves it for next time ~